Paris Hilton, Brad and Angelina, Dark Night (both Batman and Barack Obama), 9/11 and Diana conspiracy theorists, Teenage sex nymphs and big black cocks (of the farmyard variety) gather round… There is a constant battle that all web rabbits face. How to get people to come and visit your site…

Do you act like a cigarette company and spend lots of money on advertising and risk killing people? Do you invite all your friends and colleagues risking they think your work is ‘proper rubbish’? Do you cheat and write a script to constantly refresh your site and build up hits and risk looking quite sad? Or do you do what you can to create traffic so organic it smells of shit.

One thing you want to ensure is that your site is keyword rich. You know, like a well run cult: It pushes the answers that people are searching for.

It doesn’t matter if they really find what they are looking for; you’ve had a visitor and hell - you never know - they might stick around! (Or click one of your Google Ads!) Of course, you want to pick popular words and phrases that the good folk in Internet-land might reasonably search for - probably not worth focussing on “Muffin stilettos” or “Jesus playing rag-time piano” (though I do hope that one day, each of those search terms brings in a visitor - oh how we will rejoice).

Popular choices could include: Britney spears naked, Lindsay Lohan naked, Cameron Diaz naked, George Clooney naked, Oprah Winfrey naked, The Pope naked, free beer, free stuff, free Nelson Mandela, free money, make money online, get rich quick, make cash from home, work from home, easy jobs, easy women, easyjet, funny jokes, games, cool stuff, refridgerated produce, facebook, find out who’s looked at your facebook profile, find out who’s looked your twitter feed, find out if anyone is still using MySpace, Barack Obama, Obama is cool, Obamam in trouble, The Obama Llama, online gambling, online roulette, poker in the front, liquor in the rear, world of warcraft, second life, thrid life, fourth life, gadgets, iphone, ipod, upod, we all pod, windows, linux, torrent, keygen, warez, cracks, hacks, slacks and bowler hats. And big fat tits.