Great idea from London based design collective Household, who have spent this Easter weekend selling items for just a pound in an empty shop premise in Hoxton. These are items of beauty however, and sometimes of use, covering greetings cards, jewellery, bags, trinkets, books and more. The best item I picked up, was a pad of rubber, designed specifically for drawing on with a biro. You know that feeling, it’s nearly as good as drawing on a banana with a biro. Oh how I smiled.

One more day to go, so get yourself to Hoxton Street.

Other questions in the series might be:

• Was Noddy a socialist?
• Did any of the Thundercats have night-wear?
• Did Popeye shave?
• Could Oscar the Grouch take Big Bird in a fight?
• Did Donald Duck mow his own lawn?

Here’s a handy guide for anyone not sure what the whole evening is about. You can click here for pictorial info.

For those of you too lazy to engage with Adobe Acrobat however, hit the jump. You know you want to.

Origins
Burns Night has been celebrated since 1995 to fill the gap in the prime time broadcasting schedules left when the end of The Krypton Factor stole Gordon Burns away from the screens of the wider UK public. Despite his continued exposure on North West Tonight, many UK citizens (and ex-pats Worldwide) continue to celebrate Burns Night with a traditional evening based around the great man.

Ben Shepherd’s appearance on screens as the new presenter of The Krypton Factor has done little to erode observence of this evening, with most Burns fans riled by the lack of lemon piping on the jump suits used in the Physical Ability round.

Traditional Dress
Attendees at a Burns Supper traditionally wear a casual jacket, tie and slacks combination. This can be accompanied by adopting the handsomely swept hair of Gordon Burns. Wigs are often sold in major population centres during the month of January to meet demand for this ‘look’.

At larger dinners, Burns Masks are also worn. You can find an example of such a mask on the second page of this guide.

Traditional Food
There are actually few rules on what is eaten at a traditional Burns Supper, though every meal must end with a cake shaped like the Krypton Factor logo. In most circles this is made with simple sponge, green food colouring and jam bringing a little colour to proceedings.
In recent years ‘Burns Soup’ consisting of carrot and parsnip, has grown in popularity as a starter for these dinners.

The Krypton Grace
When cutting the cake, The Krypton Grace should be said to honour the evening. Nobody is quite sure of the origins of the grace, but one legend states that it was penned by ex-international rugby star Gareth Chilcott for a charity raffle. This is entirely unsubstantiated, but paints a nice image.

Some hae mental agility but connat run,
And some wad run but can’t add up;
But we hae legs, and we hae brains,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

Works By Burns
After the dinner, it is traditional for attendees to perform renditions of some of Burns’ best work. This may be drawn from any of his career highlights and while most prefer some of the classic quotes from the aforementioned Krypton Factor, there is a fashion amongst keen Burns Supper attendees for highlighting Gordon Burns’ work on LWT’s Surprise, Surprise! with Cilla Black. This may or may not be done with a male member of the party in drag, as Ms Black.

2. Munch or Punch

3. Screw or Moo

4. Pump or Dump

5. Finger or Minger

2. Plumber

3. Buying milk and bread from the corner shop

2. ‘That is not a suitable way to use a blender Rodney‘

3. ‘Yes, it’s crumbling on the carpet. No, it isn’t of a cheesy consistency. Not yet anyway‘

4. ‘He’s some kind of DJ-cum-farmer-cum-billiards champion. I think he gets it from his mother‘

5. ‘One balloon, two human skulls and a crockery expert‘

6. ‘I think she laments the winter of ‘92 – that’s why she wears that scarf ‘

Arnos Grove – Owner of a fleet of taxis, operated from his attic

Chesham – a shit dog of some sort

Dagenham Heathway – Writer of the world’s most popular book on Crown Green Bowling

Stanmore – Assistant to the curmudgeonly CEO of a major West Midlands bottling plant

Willesden Green -Poet, flaneur and wearer of cravats

You consider sunglasses as an accessory, not a sometime necessity

You spend more time wearing a hat than not wearing a hat

You purchase CDs, cinema tickets etc based solely on reviews in Heat magazine

You wear trousers that taper at the bottom

You think you need smoking. You’re not a fucking kipper.

Elsewhere… I’m fairly keen on PDAs (perfectly delightful accountants – they’re preferable to the stuck-up ones) but not so enamoured by PDAs (properly disgusting apples. Just buy nice ones), I LOVE PDAs (properly deep anal) and I put up with PDA (people drinking advocaat – I just don’t like the smell) . I’m keen on PDAs (pretty, dirty Australians – note the comma, full dirtiness please), suffer from PDA (pumpkin-dick atrophy – it isn’t nice) and once spent the evening with PDA (Paul Daniels’ Art teacher). I’m a member of PDA (Paris Doughnut Association – life member in fact), a shopper at PDA (Perry’s Dodgy Antiques – Exit 7, M25), and in vehement denial of PDA (Pre-diluvian artefacts).

That is all…